


Loving Him Was Red

by chxkxv



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, anyway new ship name is bork dont @ me, bork, i had a vivid dream and i had to write it a la jim and bones, mckirk - Freeform, professor! mccoy, slow build whom idk her lol, they're both consenting adults! jim is not a minor thank u, tl;dr my angsty son mccoy is soft and flirty when drunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 18:38:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15467550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chxkxv/pseuds/chxkxv
Summary: Leonard “Bones“ Horatio McCoy falls for his student James Tiberius Kirk, and must confront his past life while keeping his career intact.





	Loving Him Was Red

**Author's Note:**

> -  
> “I fell in love with her right from the beginning. As for Winnie- she only fell. But what matters is I caught her.”- The Kitchen God’s wife, by Amy Tan  
> -

It was the colour of flames dancing on a wick of a candle. The warmth you felt from looking at someone you’ve missed. The feeling of adrenaline flowing through you with your heartbeat spiking and sweat rising on your skin. It was the crackle of firewood heating up a house during a cold winter, providing comfort.The intensity of the fabric burned through his peripheral vision. If Jim saw Leonard McCoy as a colour, it would be red.

 

Jim believed in love at first sight.

Jim noticed him from the moment he walked into the room. He could hear the other students whispering and hushed giggles that slowly streamed into the room, but he suddenly became aware of a feeling that he had never felt since he was 11 and had his first crush.

They were taking a detour home from school and decided to walk through the forest to their homes. A wild hare hopped into a bush in the distance and he was intrigued. They tried to trek the furry animal but failed to do so. And as they sat next to each other, watching the river flowing, taking a short rest before returning home, he looked at him and felt that intensity fighting to escape from his ribcage. And so he did it, just as he had seen in the movies, he held onto his waist and kissed him. It did not look like the movies. It was as slobbery and messy as how first kisses were, and they were covered in grime and mud of the forest. But Jim held his hand afterwards and they sat there until the sun sat, until it was dark and past their curfew.

Nyota leaned over and tapped her pen gently onto his thumb, ending his reminiscence.

“Huh, what?” Jim mumbled, still mesmerised by the sight of McCoy.

“He started 10 minutes ago and you still haven’t taken anything from your bag.”

Jim looked confused.

“Take your own notes!”

Jim snapped out of his daze and pulled his backpack onto his table, scrambling to yank out his notepad, but due to his sheer luck, he managed to drop the entire 3 inch thick textbook onto the ground.

The entire lecture theatre turned to stare at him. Jim managed an awkward thin lipped smile and looked at the lecturer sheepishly.

The lecturer did not even glance in his direction, and merely continued the lecture as though all were good and fine.

..

It was during his third lecture with McCoy that Jim finally asked Uhura, “Do you think he’s single?”

Uhura tilted her head slightly, squinted at McCoy and frowned, “He has a tan line from a ring but I’ve never actually seen him wear it.”

“I hope he has someone that loves him.” Jim sighed.

“What?” Uhura said.

“What?” Jim replied, an octave higher, his cheeks flushed.

.. ... / .. -

They got their class quiz back and McCoy had unfairly given Jim an additional two marks. It wasn’t like Jim was looking for a reason to meet McCoy after class, no absolutely not. Jim was only making a great fuss out of this because he valued integrity, or so he convinced Uhura. And hence, with that sheet of graded work gripped in his left hand, Jim made a decision.

Jim shuffled to the front of the room and handed his assignment to McCoy. Their fingers brushed and Jim swore he felt a spark, or as Uhura would remind him later, that it was only static electricity because “no one walks by just dragging their feet around!”.

Jim decided to make small talk. That’s easy right? Anyone could manage small talk. Just talk about a thing they both know or have in common. But not something too mundane like the weather. What about asking whether he has pets? That’s a good icebreaker. Alright, so Jim is going to talk about pets. No wait, what if his pet has died recently? Gee that’s too morbid. Jim can’t afford making it awkward. He erased that thought and- oh no, now they’re both standing there in silence as McCoy re-reads his assignment.

Jim realised that this was going to be awkward the longer he takes to think of a question. Jim’s eyes darted from the paper and rested onto the tan line on McCoy’s ring finger.

“So um are you married?” Jim voiced, realising a second too late, after McCoy’s smile fell, that this was not a light casual small talk topic.

“I was.”

“Oh.”

An awkward silence loomed over the two. McCoy corrected the grade and passed the work back to Jim, wordlessly.

McCoy knew he had to address the elephant in the room. He just wasn’t sure when or how.

Luckily for them, fate works in mysterious ways.

._.. --- …- .

His walk to the bar was a calm one. The evening breeze brushed past Leonard gently. A young couple, both males in their 20s’s cheery laughter could be heard as they crossed Leonard’s path. As he approached the rustic building, adorned with graffiti, he glanced quickly around him, ensuring that he was not in view of any work colleagues or students.

Here, perhaps, he had nothing to be ashamed of. He had left his past life behind. He nodded at the bartender, a Scottish man in his late 40s, who has seen Leonard every night for the past five months. He poured three shots of straight vodka for Leonard, who downed them as soon as they were served. The bartender sighed and made a mint julep for him.

The bar was dimly lit, with there being only two viable light sources,one near the entrance and another above the pool tables. A jukebox was at the corner, playing a classic rock song, the soft beats gently reverberating through the bar. There was a subdued, muted feel, and Leonard nursed his drink as the bartender, Scotty, chatted about his day in a fervent, intense fashion.

Suddenly, a hand was on his shoulder, and the owner of which said, “Nice hair, douchebag.”

Leonard turned around, his left eyebrow raised, ready to confront the stranger who had just insulted him.

“Jesus Christ.” He swore. Fate does work in mysterious ways, but hey, it doesn’t always turn things to your favor.

Of course, the stranger, who elicted such a reaction from him was no other than James Tiberius Kirk, the student that he’d been making up excuses to meet weekly. Jim’s eyes widened and he yanked his hand off Leonard’s shoulder to place it over his mouth,engulfed in a cocktail of emotions- the main ingredients being that of shock and embarrassment.

“Shit oh god, Mr McCoy, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have- I didn’t know it was- I swear, I thought Spock had a haircut!”

“Spock?”

“Uh just this guy i was supposed to meet like 10 minutes ago. No idea where he is though.”

Maybe it was the shots talking, or maybe he was feeling a tad bit jealous at the prospect of Jim meeting another man, but Leonard replied, “Well, why don’t you wait with me?”

“Scotty, can you get this underaged man a drink?”

“I’m not!” Jim exclaimed, albeit too quickly, “I mean- wait, what?”

“Can I see your ID then?” Leonard said jokingly.

“I mean, if you wanted to see my address, you could’ve bought me drinks first.” Jim replied with the same tone.

Scotty stood there, confused, with no context. “So is this lad legal?”

“Yeah, this young man is with me. His drink’s on me too.” Leonard said.

Jim pulled a bar stool and they sat in silence for a grand total of four seconds (with the exception of Scotty who was mixing drinks for the two of them, but let us heed the two main characters instead). Jim cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. “Nice weather, huh?”

Leonard sighed at his pathetic attempt of clearing out the awkward silence.

“It’s been raining for the past two days.”

“Oh. Right, well I meant-” Jim paused, interrupted by the vibrating text message notification from his phone.

“Everything all right?” Leonard asked.

“Yep. Amazing even. Spock… cancelled on me. How typical.” Jim sighed.

“Your date? I’m sorry.” Leonard said.

“What? No!” Jim spluttered, “He’s my best friend’s boyfriend!”

Leonard gave him a Look™. ”I’m not judging. You do you.”

“Mr McCoy, I’m not going out with him. It’s just that Uhura- you know, my friend? We sit next to each other in your class? She’s trying to get us to bond. The whole ‘best friend and boyfriend being best pals’. She’s delusional if she thinks it’s ever gonna happen.”

“And why is that?” Leonard said.

“Don’t tell Uhura, but I swear, that man is an alien. I’ve never seen him show any form of emotion. I’ve seen him stub his toe against a table leg and he said ‘this is inconvenient’ and kept walking? I mean, what sort of person does that?”

“Oh wow.” Leonard rested his hand under his chin.

“Yeah.”

“Uh huh.”

“So, um, right. I’ve been meaning to ask you-” Jim’s voice cracked in the middle of his sentence. He cleared his throat too loudly. “Why do you keep grading me wrongly?”

\--- .-.

An overly lengthy excuse, three scotches, four mint juleps and two shots later, Leonard had gone past the ‘hot mess’ state of drunk and had descended into the ‘emo mess’. Meanwhile, Jim was the overly friendly drunk. And so by that point in the night, Scotty was no longer eavesdropping on the pair. Leonard was drunk rambling about his sorrows of his life and the ghosts of his past. Jim was comforting him and reassuring him that it would all turn out fine. That was when Leonard mentioned her.

“Jocelyn Darnell. Fuck, I loved her you know.” Leonard said suddenly.

Jim froze. He was under the impression that Leonard’s past marriage was to a man, and that he was queer, especially from the vibes he got from him. Like the vibe of Leonard hitting on him a minute ago, a hand resting on his inner thigh and the way he was looking at him. Leonard continued, oblivious to Jim’s sudden hurt and confused expression.

“Everything I did was for her. I just. I miss her. I miss her, Jim.”

Jim realised how selfish it would be for him to put his own butthurt feelings ahead of a man very clearly grieving and not over his past relationship. He bottled up his own emotions and put an arm around Leonard.

“Hey, no. No! Listennn, I’ve got you, it’s okayy. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m tired.”

“Let’s get you home, huh? How does that sound? Alright? Let’s go, you’re gonna be fine.” Jim whispered into Leonard’s ears, attempting to calm the perturbed man.

Jim turned to Scotty. “Erm, quick question? Where does he live?”

“Fifth floor. The blue flat on 6th Street.”

“Thank you. So much.” Jim dug through his wallet for change to pay for his drinks.

“It’s fine lad, ‘m just gonna put it on his tab ain’t I.” Jim smiled gratefully at Scotty. “Just do me a favor and get ‘im home safe ‘right.”

Jim pulled the half empty cocktail glass away from Leonard’s hold, despite the man’s grumbling, and held his hand gently. “That’s enough. Let’s get you to bed.”

Despite his drunken stupor, Leonard raised his eyebrows suggestively. Jim sighed, pulling him out of the bar, into the street.

Luckily for them, Leonard only lived 6 blocks away. Unluckily for them, the weather was still horrendous and it was raining.

As though Leonard finally realised the cold rain had seeped through the fabric of his shirt and drenched him mercilessly, he shuddered. Jim felt an ache in his heart, seeing him like this. He took off his coat and draped it over Leonard’s shoulder. Jim then wrapped an arm across Leonard’s back, supporting him.

Leonard stopped walking and turned towards Jim, stumbling into his chest. The older man took a step back and rested a hand on Jim’s shoulder, his other on the nape of Jim’s neck.

Leonard’s eyes were slightly glazed, but he leaned in and kissed Jim. He had not shaved, so his facial hair scratched slightly, but Jim couldn’t give a damn. He moaned, pressing himself closer against Leonard. They parted for breath, flushed and sweating.

.. ... / .. -

They somehow made it to Leonard’s home (the key was under the flowerpot, the plant was dead of course, how typical) with their clothes intact. Drenched, but intact nonetheless.

Jim shut the door behind them and Leonard pinned Jim against it. Jim laughed and they made out like a pair of teenagers. Messy and passionate. Leonard broke away to rip his own white button-down shirt off and pulled Jim’s sweater over his head, throwing it across the room before kissing his neck. Leonard’s hands snaked his way down Jim’s back and he slid them underneath Jim’s waistband.

Jim moaned through the kiss, then pushed Leonard away.

“No, I can’t.”

“I’m clean. I’ve got protection and one hell of a night to give you.” Leonard said.

“No. Mr McCoy- Leonard- Len. I’ve never- you’re drunk. We can’t.”

Leonard groaned and took a step towards Jim. “I want this.”

“But you don’t. You’re just drunk. Hell, we both are.” Jim took a step back.

“Okay. Just, stay? Please?” Leonard ran a hand through his damp hair. His pupils were dilated and his lips slightly swollen.

Jim sighed and walked towards Leonard. He placed a hand on Leonard’s bare chest gently.

“Sounds great.”

.--- ..- ... -

That night, McCoy slept alone, as Jim sat up and watched him in tranquil. Leonard’s chest rising and falling, following each shuddering breath, slow and deep.

Jim felt his chest tighten and his heartbeat skipped a beat. He found himself smiling.

Realising how much of a creep he looked like, Jim laid on the mattress beside Leonard. It’s too late to go back to his dorm anyway. And he couldn’t risk waking his roommate up.

In the middle of his thoughts, Leonard rolled over and wrapped his arm around Jim’s torso. Jim sighed and pressed his back against Leonard’s chest, making himself more comfortable. It was not long until Jim too fell asleep.

.-

Jim woke up feeling uncomfortably warm. He tried to kick the blankets off him but discovered a heavy weight on his legs. His eyes shot wide open and he twisted himself around.

Only to face Leonard. Asleep. With nasty morning breath. Yeah, nope. That wasn’t gonna happen. Jim wriggled his way out of Leonard’s tight, sleeping embrace and stumbled until he reached the door. He scanned the room.

The marble tiles were elegant and shone as if it had been recently polished. It gleamed, reflecting the morning sun. The walls however, were painted with a bleak off-white colour. The sheets of the room were of a pastel lilac shade. Jim cringed at the concept. Leonard needs to change the colour scheme.

Jim glanced back at Leonard to double-check that he was still asleep. He was still snoring, so that’s that. Jim slowly edged towards the bedside drawer and yanked it open. He looked through it, hoping to find some things that would reveal more about Leonard.

A bottle of lube, The Communist Manifesto, a pack of gum, a leather bound journal, an empty hip flask, a Swiss army knife, and a pack of band-aids.

Jim shut the drawer slowly, eyeing Leonard and judging his questionable array of possessions.

“Don’t steal my stuff.” Leonard mumbled, in his sleep-thick voice, before rolling over in bed.

Jim froze. He held his breath,afraid of being caught. Leonard rolled over in bed and snored loudly. Jim sighed.

It was a modest quaint home, facing the east, the morning sun shining on Jim’s face. There were about four other rooms. A study, a gym,a kitchen and a locked room that Jim couldn’t pick the lock of. Jim worried if he had overstayed his welcome. Leonard was drunk when he had invited Jim to sleep over, and he wondered what the older man would think upon discovering him in his home whilst in a hungover state.

Jim decided to make breakfast. That was the least he could do. He opened all the cupboards, in search of ingredients.

A solid five minutes later, Leonard stumbled in. “What the fuck.”

“I’m not robbing you. I’m just-” Jim faltered. He has never been the best liar. “I can’t even find the-um- bacon.”

“Try the fridge?” Leonard suggested.

Jim checked it. It had approximately one egg, half a pack of bacon, a jar of pickles and about 2 6-pack cases of bottled beer.

“Do you wanna eat out?” Jim asked.

“I’m down if you’re into it” Leonard said, suggestively.

“Jesus, I mean do you wanna get brunch or takeaway?”

“Yeah, sure, those are fine too. Let’s get brunch. Get dressed.” Leonard said briefly, taking a step towards the bathroom.

“Hey, Prof?”

“Please don’t call me that here.”

“Sorry Prof- Mr McCoy- Leonard- I mean, Len. Sorry Len.” The name sounded wrong to Jim. “Shouldn’t we maybe, talk about last night?”

“Not much to talk about.” Leonard said, over his shoulder.

Jim sighed. He went back into the bedroom and gathered his clothes that were thrown off from the night before. He sniffed the top warily. It was dry now, and didn’t smell too awful, so he pulled the mustard sweater and on and pulled it off. Jim put on his straight cut ripped blue jeans on and made the bed. He sat on the edge, careful not to wrinkle it too much, waiting for Leonard to emerge from the shower.

Leonard came back into the room and gave Jim a double take. “You wore that to a bar? Thank god you’re pretty.”

Jim opened his mouth, ready to retort, but the sight of Leonard digging through his closet, soaked and wearing nothing but a towel tied loosely around his waist left him gaping.

Leonard rolled his eyes and threw a navy pullover, a white collared shirt and a pair of black pants to Jim. It hit him in the head.

“Change out of those.”

 Jim grumbled but complied. The two men finally left the apartment twenty minutes later, dressed, and fingers interlocked.

 

“What if someone notices?” Jim whispered urgently, pulling his hand away from Leonard. 

  
“What other students do you know that have brunch? On a Saturday?”

“What if-”

Leonard held his hand reassuringly and echoed the words the younger man said to him the night before. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t. We can figure this-” Leonard gestured to himself and Jim. “-Later. Why not just take our time figuring it out? But if anyone recognises us, I only speak French and you can’t talk. We run and don’t look back.”

Jim chuckled.

To any other person, this duo looked like an ordinary couple at brunch, but underneath those passing flirty remarks and jokes that was conversed, an underlying concern inundated them. What did the previous night mean? How will that impact their future together? Will they even have a future together? Or will they shove those hazy, drunken memories of exposed vulnerabilities and unspoken pasts behind and move forward?

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my drafts for about a year but I've only recently started drinking so if I get some bar terminology wrong I'm sorry.  
> Next chapter, Len gets nicknamed 'Bones'.
> 
> Anyway, fake youtuber voice,  
> "Don't forget to kudos, bookmark and subscribe!!<3"


End file.
